Ripe TV

Hey all! It's Red from Ed and Red's Night Party!

I didn't know how to introduce everyone to my weird little world, so I sat on posting anything for a while, but then this excerpt from an email conversation I was having with a friend came up and I just HAD to share. It's an example of the philosophy of Immanuel Kant regarding practical freedom. Enjoy!

"I think that perhaps your professor's exclusion is plausible but unnecessary. Evil is evil, according to Kant, because it does not follow the principles of reason, and therefore leads to less freedom than the alternative. Here's an example, continuing to use our good friend Skeletor.

"Skeletor has an unreasonable hatred of his brother, King Randor. This hatred, as a basis for Skeletor's future acts, is, as stated, illogical. Because it is not rational, it leads Skeletor, an otherwise willfull and reasoned man, to commit acts that can be agreed to be 'evil' or 'illegal', because he's acting on sensual, immediate gratification instead of a long term, reasoned approach of 'what ought to be done'. This not only makes him easier to defeat for Randor's forces, led by He-Man -- a being founded on the reasoned choice of a teenaged boy to become the hero at Will -- but also leads him away from practical freedom: being a fugitive limits his movements and social interactions.

"But Skeletor is evil as opposed to incapable of reason because he is of sufficient intelligence and will to comprehend the potential consequences of his actions, yet ignores this reasoned approach. If Skeletor were somehow incapable of making this decision (in the way, perhaps, that a robot such as Psy-Clone or Faker is, therefore lacking the same a priori knowledge of Skeletor) then he would not be perceived, in the same way, or be evil, as he lacks the freedom inherent in the opportunity to make a choice based on reason. Faker and Psy-Clone cannot be seen to be free in a practical sense, because they lack the understanding of ideas based on choice. They follow a program created by Skeletor, the parameters of which do not allow reason. Skeletor's other henchmen, however, are provided with moral choice, and have therefore forsaken practical freedom by following Skeletor instead of reasoned morality, despite Skeletor's frequent assertions that they are too stupid to know the difference."

There we go! Let it never be said that I follow a well-travelled path!

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In a boarding house in Prince George’s County in the Washington, D.C. area, a young Master Stamp, a 12-year-old boy (not pictured) who lives with his mother, Cheryl, does what many boys his age do on a daily basis – burn through their homework as quickly as possible before, as many US Senators have described, “corrupting their young minds with violent imagery spoon-fed by the video game industry.”

But the artfully sound-designed cacophony of his virtual pursuit was disturbed by a ruckus in the other room. Pausing the game, he went to investigate and found a 64 year-old dude named Salomon Noubissie choking the isht out of his mom.

Springing into action, the plucky Stamp mentally pressed Y to “pick up item” – a carving knife – simultaneously pushed down LT & RT to activate targeting and then popped the X button, slashing the carotid artery of his mothers’ attacker.

Parents, get your kids an XBOX, Wii or PS3 post-haste. It’s cheaper than a guard dog and it’ll get them thinking vocationally.

Kids, thank us later.

Full Story Here…

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Well, you could choose to see this as the jump-the-shark ultimate sacrifice of dignity by a childhood icon to millions – nay, perhaps billions - of hypernostalgiacs out there.

Or you could see it as a grandpa who’s still cool enough to get completely blazed at a Nickelodeon awards show and who’s not afraid to mug it up for the amusement of the masses. He sparked some green in the green room, got green slimed (“I don’t know, Alistair, why did… aw man.”) and now has us green with envy over his inability to destroy our affection for him, no matter what.

Yes, Harrison Ford smokes weed. Supposedly a lot. But it’s legal here in Cali and no doubt years of quality stuntwork by Mr. Han F’ing Solo has produced some back-pain that’ll only be soothed by sticky green. So it’s totally legit.

So don’t judge, man… Just be.

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Never heard of this dame, but we like the cut of her jib! She won the 2007 Nobel Prize in literature. She was born in Persia, raised in Zimbabwe, and will hopefully be our unofficial grandma one day. Here’s what she told the journalists waiting outside her house when they let her know she’d won the effing Nobel Prize.

"Oh Christ, I couldn't care less," she said. "This has been going on for 30 years. I've won all the prizes in Europe, every bloody one, so I'm delighted to win them all. It's a royal flush."

Hah! She’s full of piss and vinegar, this one. She continues…

In October, she told a Spanish newspaper that the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks were "neither as terrible nor as extraordinary" as many people think.

There’s no way she didn’t take a big old drag of a fatty cigar after she said that. It doesn’t say in the article, but we’d bet even money she used to kick Hemingway’s ass in arm wrestling. Buy ya a drink, G-Ma? Maybe a lapdance?

The QChord

So, in researching instrumentation for a Ripe TV band with a band name too explicit for this blog, we were checking out what the word of keytars had to offer. And, if you really want to tops, your best value is gonna be the Suzuki Omnichord which can be had for about $200 on eBay.

Pretty much everybody knows that, though. But look at the picture above. What everybody doesn’t know, is that it appears the star of Knocked Up, Seth Rogen, may have learned of the Omnichord’s (or, more precisely, its predecessor the QChord’s) fantastic riffs before most.

Thoughts? Is this Seth? His older, slimmer brother Bob? Or just a lucky look-alike?

Buy it here.

By making your own custom action figure. For the low, low, totally worth it price of 425 dollars you can have your very own 12-inch version of yourself. Custom tattoos and stud earrings cost extra (just like in real life!). Now if only you can find a chick to appreciate how staggeringly groovy this is.

The best part, though, is when they feel like the have to defend the patently phenomenal idea of having a 12-inch action figure of yourself by describing uses for your doll.

...there is no event that these would not be welcome. Another solution is Memorial Action Figures, Bereavement Gifts, Funeral Gifts,

Funeral gifts, indeed! If there aren’t two versions of ourselves doing battle with gladiator jousting sticks atop our coffins we will be back to haunt the living piss out of every one of our friends and family for at least a year. Make a note in your Blackberries.

Via Jez

That being, of course, Guns n Roses guitarist and stovepipe hat aficionado, Slash.

In his farewell address to the Microsoft corporation, Bill Gates killed a little of the children inside of us by befouling the Guitar God by bringing a Guitar Hero controller on stage.

Witness this unphotoshopped blasphemy, and shed a single tear. Huey Lewis: you sit on a throne of lies. The heart of rock n roll is NOT still beating.

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Bill Gates is retiring, he’s wending into his silver years, and it appears he’s already getting a little wistful for the crazy days of his rock n roll youth. Matthew McConaughey offered his support.

BG: Am I ready to take my shirt off yet?
MM: (lovingly): Aww, not yet.

In a farewell address to Microsoft (and the Wooorld!) Bill Gates tipped his hat to the world of software in a predictably dorky, sweater-clad way. Something about how uncool he is makes us feel a great deal better about not being billionaires.

In his further attempt to be cool, he enlisted this slightly tragic list of A-listers: “Jay-Z, George Clooney, Bono, Jon Stewart, Steven Spielberg, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and NBC News's Brian Williams.”

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The writers are getting a little anxious – a little frisky, even – as the strike drags on. But some, happily, are making the best of it by using their old studio IDs to meet at their former places of work to party down.

"They all bring wine, champagne, and hang out all day. So many of them have hooked up," said one actress who was invited as a guest. "There's no end in sight, so they're having fun in the meantime."

That’s pretty great – especially for the writers. The only bad part is that the bookish sex they’re likely all having would be less than scintillating. And think of the paper cuts!

Buy it here.

We’ve field tested previous USB missile launchers before, and while they’re fairly entertaining, they lack an element of stealthy doom that we so love in office warfare.

Inevitably, you have to lure your target near your desk under some ridiculous pretense, and then get them to not notice when you bring your targeting system up onscreen.

Target: What did you want me over here for?
You: Oh I was just wondering if you would take a look at the other side of my desk for about 6 seconds.
Target: What’s that buzzing sound?

Now, though, with the wireless USB launcher, you can strategically place your missiles and then deploy them for your desk (command center) on the unwitting target. Welcome to the next generation of tomfoolery.

Via Gizmodo

The interaction between video games and real life is getting more and more intimate in scarier and scarier ways. And now Sega (with the help of NeuroSky) is attempting to develop something that will throw the Wii under a bus, then get in the seat of the bus and back over it.

...comments NeuroSky CEO Stanley Yang. “With our ThinkGear bio-sensor technology and innovative capacity of Sega Toys, our collaboration with Sega Toys will empower consumers to intimately interact with or control a toy, using their mind.”

There is only one bad thing that can come of this, and that is (of course) robocalypse. NeuroSky seems almost satirically close to SkyNet. But if the only price we play is the elimination of 70% of the human population, the unbelievably rad gaming we reap might be worth it.

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Ryan Poon, a.k.a Mister Poon, a.k.a. Senor Poon, a.k.a. Prince Poon, recently won an international business competition with his bald ambition, tight control, and stimulating business frameworks. Engulfing the competition – taking them all in – he climaxed at just the right moment to clench the victory.

How did his masterstroke come to pass? What sort of conditioning did he endure to be able to erect a business so quickly and effectively? Well, where else would you expect to find Poon than World of Warcraft?

"With both the business game and Warcraft, the thought process you have to use is kind of similar,"

It seems WoW has larger financial influence than the sale of fake gold. Following his exhausting yet satisfying victory, Poon had this to say:

"It's quite challenging," said Poon, who is considering a career as a financial strategist. "Right now, I'm just trying to get myself into a good position."

Indeed, where Poon is concerned, position is of the utmost import.

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Don’t get too excited. It is not an airborne pub like we’re sure you immediately imagined (we did). However, the Flybar is something almost as completely rad.

It’s a high-powered pogo stick for big kids that will propel you upward of 4 feet . Andy McDonald, the only cool MIT-trained physicist we’ve ever heard of, came up with this glorious machine.

If y'all can think of a better (and legal) way to spend $250 we'd like to hear it in the comments section.

But it here.

What a deliciously decadent idea. What does every arcade game up until this crucial crossroads of history lack? The answer, as you well know, is a frosty keg of your favorite brew.

Under the two-player console is a keg-sized refrigerator with a tap that emerges in between the two joysticks. Beautiful.

If you’re not into the classics, never fear. The Gamerator can be easily adapted to contemporary systems like your Wii or XBOX 360.

While this does seem like a flawless mating of booze and video games at first blush, there is a single chink in the armor. With an entire keg at our command, the inevitable goal of killing it combined with the flashes of video gaming in front of us would almost certainly induce seizure.

Worth it.

Buy it here.

Have trouble getting up in the morning? Not always easy to rouse yourself? Enter the orgasmo clock. It’s just like a normal clock, but instead of dinging or ringing or whatever, it ejaculates an orgasm sound.

What’s wrong with this picture? You’re buying a clock with an orgasm sound, presumably, because there is no real life girl voice making similar sounds in your bed. And, to remedy that, instead of logging off Second Life, you buy an item that would send any potential mate segwaying for the hills. What a cruel riddle your life is.