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Well, you could choose to see this as the jump-the-shark ultimate sacrifice of dignity by a childhood icon to millions – nay, perhaps billions - of hypernostalgiacs out there.

Or you could see it as a grandpa who’s still cool enough to get completely blazed at a Nickelodeon awards show and who’s not afraid to mug it up for the amusement of the masses. He sparked some green in the green room, got green slimed (“I don’t know, Alistair, why did… aw man.”) and now has us green with envy over his inability to destroy our affection for him, no matter what.

Yes, Harrison Ford smokes weed. Supposedly a lot. But it’s legal here in Cali and no doubt years of quality stuntwork by Mr. Han F’ing Solo has produced some back-pain that’ll only be soothed by sticky green. So it’s totally legit.

So don’t judge, man… Just be.

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Sh*t happens in prison in Copenhagen. That’s an old Ripe family motto; don’t ask.

When prison guards complained of severe stomach aches, they confessed that they’d been eating a cake baked for them by the (what they thought) were good-hearted prisoners.

Prior to feeling sick all four guards had eaten a cake baked by prisoners - some of whom belong to Denmark's most notorious criminal gangs.
Officials said the cake was laced with an unidentified narcotic.

They don’t even carry guns over there! Something is rotten in Denmark and it’s the criminal justice system and it smells like tuna. Maybe they should eat a big, frosting-slathered slice of American justice. Send those boys down south for some Texas Justice.

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You’d want to smoke up if you’d been on an island with that infuriating yet somehow lovable Gilligan, too. Mary-Ann (the sexier half of Ginger and Mary-Ann) also known as Dawn Wells was arrested with a bunch of weed in her car.

She was sentenced Feb. 29 to five days in jail, fined $410.50 and placed on probation after pleading guilty to one count of reckless driving. Under a plea agreement, three misdemeanor counts — driving under the influence, possession of drug paraphernalia and possession of a controlled substance — were dropped.

Her lawyer ended up getting a friend of hers to say it was his pot, and got the people at the party she was at to say she wasn’t that drunk. What good friends Mary-Ann has - when our parents caught us with pot, our friends totally bailed. Screw our friends. They're off the island.

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Madonna was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on Sunday night. That is a travesty unto itself, but the trespasses on the God of Rock don’t end there.

By way of losing a bet with the Devil, Justin Timberlake and Iggy Pop were forced to do the actual inducting. Justin Timberlake did most of the talking while Iggy and the Stooges, through what appears to be shudders of humiliation, covered two Madonna songs.

The only interactions Iggy Pop should have with Madonna is if he’s using her as a receptacle for his veiny lust or uncontrollable “rock rage.” Or, maybe, if he used a mortar and pestle to grind her up and snort her.

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Marion Jones, the former Olympic sprinter and former Olympic gold medalist is now a current member of a Texas federal prison. She’s in for lying to federal prosecutors about her steroid use, and her sentence is 6 months in the slammer, 2 years of probation, and 800 hours of community service.

She got off so lucky. She breaks some major laws and damns her own career forever and all she has to do is stay in a women’s prison? Isn’t it all tickle fights and breathless experimentation? Ugh. We need to go do some steroids and start down the path that Miss Jones is paving.

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An Israeli researcher is suggesting that the most inspirational aspect of Moses’s time on the mount was not stone tablets so much as tabs of LSD.

"As far Moses on Mount Sinai is concerned, it was either a supernatural cosmic event, which I don't believe, or a legend, which I don't believe either, or finally, and this is very probable, an event that joined Moses and the people of Israel under the effect of narcotics," Shanon told Israeli public radio on Tuesday. Moses was probably also on drugs when he saw the "burning bush," suggested Shanon, who said he himself has dabbled with such substances.

There’s a little bit of a catch 22 for other would-be alternative theologians out there. How do you know what it’s like to have pharmaco-spiritual revelations if you’ve never dropped acid and flown with the gods? But it’s not like we’re about to trust a drugged out hippy like you. Cut your hair and get a real job (like a blogger).

1. Look at the judge! He is either a warlock or Archduke of the Bear People.
2. Not sure what this quote means, but it might indicate the officer is still buzzed. “There was a lot of marijuana in the hamburgers…In the end we have to go home, too. We have families.”
3. The names of the perpetrators! Knuckles and Armejo! They have suits on in the video, but certainly the usually dress like this.

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Who saw this coming? Snoop Dogg was busted in NY for possession of marijuana. It’s too bad he wasn’t in the great state of California where we love that sh*t so much that we sell it out of vending machines.

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Last night, famed Hollywood Madame, Heidie Fleiss was pulled over and arrested. The police found prescription drugs that had no prescription, and we’re betting that THIS failed the field sobriety test pretty substantially.

TMZ goes on to report what Heidi has been up to these last few years. Funnily, she’s been living in Nevada working on the less-fair gender in what she’s called her stud farms. They’re whorehouses full of dudes and only for women.

In other news, 5 of the male Ripe TV writers have resigned to retire in Nevada.

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The boozy balladeer is looking a little perkier and a little less coked-out-of-her-gourd these days. She’s right in the middle of rehab and seems to be over the worst of it. After being hooked up to a saline drip because of all the withdraw-induced vomiting, she’s on a day trip to visit her husband Blake in jail.

If that last paragraph were about anybody else, you might not think things were looking better for them. You might think they’re about to die. But Amy Winehouse is actually part robot and that robot part of her runs pretty much just on heroin. So she’s doing peachy.

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The coroner’s report is in on Heath Ledger, and they’ve concluded that he died of respiratory arrest brought on by “acute intoxication” of more drugs than we’ve ever even heard of.

"Mr. Heath Ledger died as the result of acute intoxication by the combined effects of Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, Diazepam, Temazepam, Alprazolam, and Doxylamine," said an announcement released Wednesday morning by office spokeswoman Ellen Borakove.
"We have concluded that the manner of death is accident, resulting from the abuse of prescription medications," the two-paragraph statement said in its entirety.
Oxycodone is a painkiller, Hydrocodone is also known as Vicodin, Diazepam is commonly called Valium, Temazepam treats anxiety or sleeplessness, Alprazolam is known as Xanax, and Doxylamine is a sedating antihistamine often used as a sleep aid.

That’s a lot of drugs. It sounds just as likely that he simply choked trying to swallow so damn many pills at once. The only way that could've been an accidental overdose is if a mischievous friend replaced an entire sleeve of PEZ with Ledger's entire medicine cabinet. Unlikely.

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Willie Andrews, in the wake of his crushing defeat in the Super Bowl, was arrested near the University of Massachusetts with “a significant amount” of marijuana on his person.

Willie is 24, he’s a graduate of Baylor, and is no stranger to the criminal justice system. Here’s a fun story about Willie and Texas.

When he was growing up in Texas, where they love God, football and the state so much that they braid them together, he was arrested for having a pistol in the trunk of his car. Oops.

Luckily for Willie (then and probably now) he’s real good at football. So, law doesn’t apply to him. He was let out of jail having served only a third of his sentence in Texas because preseason training had begun. It remains yet to be seen how little of his current sentence he’ll actually serve.

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Los Angeles now has vending machines in which you can buy marijuana. You can’t buy cigarettes, though, nor can you smoke them in bars if you can get hold of them. Also, laughing and fun are now ticketable offenses (fines range from $50 to $200).

It’s not that we hate pot heads. They are a gentle, harmless lot. But we do hate senselessness (we realize the contradiction – bear with us) in government. If they’re going to let pot be dealt on the streets, we at least wish something else could coattail along with it.

Legalized fireworks in the city limits? Bordellos? Some kind of animal fighting league? There’s no justice left in this city of fallen angels.

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A man in Sweden was carrying an innocuous loaf of bread across the border, and by innocuous, we mean “ecstasy-stuffed.”

The man, 42, was arrested by customs officers as he passed through Helsingborg port on August 25th last year.
The man arrived in Sweden on a bus, and carried a plastic bag containing the bread loaf through a customs checkpoint. The loaf contained 4,237 ecstasy tablets.

We wish we could brand this as good old fashioned American ingenuity, but as it happens, it was conniving Swedish ingenuity that spawned whole grain ecstasy. Always knew the Chef’s drawling babble was code and/or devious plotting of some manner.

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In the sweaty wake of two self-satirizing movies, Sylvester Stallone is admitting not only that he uses Human Growth Hormone to look as veiny and terrifying as he does, but advocating that everybody do the same.

"Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed…Testosterone to me is so important for a sense of well-being when you get older…Everyone over 40 years old would be wise to investigate it because it increases the quality of your life. Mark my words. In 10 years it will be over the counter."

Human Growth Hormone probably doesn’t do much, and definitely has some unsettling side effects. Call us crazy, but we trust the world-renown Mayo Clinic just a hair’s breadth more than this guy.