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Today, April 7th, is the 75th Anniversary of Beer’s triumphant return to the U.S. palate.
In 1933, Prohibition was on its last teetotaling legs as FDR assumed the presidency and, thanks to the Cullen-Harrison Act, beer became legal again at the stroke of midnight, “New Beers Eve.” It wasn’t powerful stuff – 3.2 alcohol – but it was, for the first time in 14 years, legal beer.
In gratitude, we've gone on to make Budweiser the number one consumed beer (both nationally and internationally), proving that whoever said "we didn’t deserve to drink beer" was right. So today, we can celebrate the 75th anniversary of the return of beer and the 75th anniversary of our not deserving it since all we do is drink the Shasta of suds.
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Jennifer Aniston is pregnant.
12.28.2007
Probably not, since the National Enquirer is posting the story. However, they offer a semi-compelling argument for her actually being pregnant.
Don't forget the publication was the first to nail Nicole Richie's pregnancy - and they were also onto Jamie Lynn Spears before anyone else - so maybe this will the third time they're right - plus we know that Ms. Aniston is probably itching to have a kid before her biological clock sounds the last call alarm!
It’s about time Jennifer Aniston had a kid. There is a well-accepted timeline among aging, female celebrities that states unflinchingly you must do something drastic to elbow your way back into the limelight when your looks start to fade (ehhem) .
Oh baby, baby (there's one in your uterus).
12.18.2007
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Jamie Lynn Spears is 16 and pregnant and doomed beyond reason, but not so nearly as doomed as the poor, quivering fetus within her.
Although, it’s not like the entire world should be surprised in the least. We expect, in fact, a few more rug rats to spill from her unable-to-vote womb in short order. We've known for some time she's a woman of negotiable affections with poor decision-making skills. Here’s an illustrative story that you won’t read in a tabloid or any other blog.
One of the gentlemen in our office whom we will refer to for now as “Chris” attended Pepperdine University which is where Zoey 101 (Jamie Lynn's show) was filmed. When he was 21 and she was 14, she said she thought he was cute and asked for his number in the cafeteria. As a man of dignity (that hates going to jail for statutory rape) he politely fled. True story.
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People magazine caught up with Selma Blair recently. It was probably pretty easy since she wasn’t really running away so much as lounging around looking very boop-able.
They asked about sex and lingerie and other pertinent topics. Here’s what emerged from her rouged lips.
Surrounded by lace slips and garter belts, the actress said her newly single status doesn't lessen her love of lingerie. "I have a lot of it, but mostly for myself," she said. "It just makes you feel beautiful."
And that, incidentally, is also what she's looking for in a man. "I want someone who makes me feel good," she said, adding with a sly smile, "if you know what I mean."
This is where we envy every pizza delivery boy and plumber in her zip code. Ready: ENVY.
Apparently, the man who absconded with K. Kardashian’s jewelry, laptop and digital camera is holding dirty pictures of Kim AND her sister hostage. Go anonymous porn bandit!
All weekend the E! channel was running a harrowing preview of an upcoming episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
“Guess what’s come back to haunt us?” - Kim
Tear-stained, a devastated Kim Kardashian shuddered sending waves of sexy through her lipid-heavy rump.
It seems clear the entire theft was staged to release these pictures. But even more distressing is how unapologetically this once-proud family (their father liberated O.J. for goodness sake!) has taken to shilling their own, olive-toned flesh.
Our prediction: illicit, underage pictures of Khloe (she’s the underage one, right?) will surface within the month.
Hopefully they clean the glasses twice.
11.30.2007
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Former porn icon and boob-deflating terrorist, Jenna Jameson is sticking her fingers into a new venture: slinging booze.
She and her friend Richie Rich (he’s the Heatherette designer that put ugly clothes on her shriveled form a bit back) have decided to open a bar together in NY Chinatown.
"It used to be a whorehouse," Richie told Page Six. The bar, to be called The General Store, will have a store in front where the duo will sell Richie's designs and clothing picked by Jameson.
We’re 50/50 on this one. A former brothel bar is something we’re almost always down for. Put a porn queen at the helm and that blasts frosting, in arcing ropes, all over the cake.
But Richie Rich shilling his glittery duds in the back room. Dubious. Very dubious.
Insult, injury, and a 300 pound hooker.
11.29.2007
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A man in Fort Pierce, Florida (for some reason) came into a police station and reported the following.
1) He was trying to exchange money for sex. He freely admitted as much.
2) The “woman of negotiable affections” was around about 300 pounds. He freely admitted that this, indeed, was the woman he was trying to pay to pinch and squeal.
3) The 300 pound hooker beat him up and took his bike along with 100 dollars.
None of those things should ever be admitted to anybody for any reason. The police should be legally bound to find the hooker, and let her determine the length of time she is allowed to sit on his head for reporting such an event.
For the purposes of this blog the part of the fat hooker/thief will be played by Britney Spears. Of everybody we know, she’s certainly the most qualified. Bonus points if you can correctly guess if we photoshop-puffed B. Spear's arm fat or not.
