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In a boarding house in Prince George’s County in the Washington, D.C. area, a young Master Stamp, a 12-year-old boy (not pictured) who lives with his mother, Cheryl, does what many boys his age do on a daily basis – burn through their homework as quickly as possible before, as many US Senators have described, “corrupting their young minds with violent imagery spoon-fed by the video game industry.”

But the artfully sound-designed cacophony of his virtual pursuit was disturbed by a ruckus in the other room. Pausing the game, he went to investigate and found a 64 year-old dude named Salomon Noubissie choking the isht out of his mom.

Springing into action, the plucky Stamp mentally pressed Y to “pick up item” – a carving knife – simultaneously pushed down LT & RT to activate targeting and then popped the X button, slashing the carotid artery of his mothers’ attacker.

Parents, get your kids an XBOX, Wii or PS3 post-haste. It’s cheaper than a guard dog and it’ll get them thinking vocationally.

Kids, thank us later.

Full Story Here…

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There’s Anti-Emo riots raging through Mexico. Reports of an 800-strong posse when on a search-and-destroy mission on, well, the Emo-core crew, Iwe're guessing. So now the persecuted are holding rallys and what-not. In related news, a goth-y couple got beaten, one to death, in the UK, by a small pack of thug-life uncool Britains.

All 'cause of being pierced, eye-linered and given to don some retro clothing and—shudder—bangs.

Wait, it’s cause of “anti-gay” sentiments? Who hates gays anymore? That's like being viciously anti-Whig. Well, if The Smiths* are still the biggest band in the world to some people, folks can cling to anything…

Thank God these people don’t live in LA where it’s nigh on impossible to separate the Goths from the waiters who work night shifts, the emo from the more-sullen-of-the-80s-revivalists, the Morrisey Mexicans from the Stray Cats-lovers from Sao Paulo, the homeless from the between-films serious actors. Who do you hit? Who DON’T you?

Who has the energy to muster up more vehemence against these folks other than an eye-roll's worth? And if so, are they sponsored by Monster Java or Sobe No Fear yet?



What’s worst of all is now these kids have to stick up for themselves. When what they’re supposed to be doing is scrawling poems on walls with their mom's lipstick or singing songs about heartbreak in a barely-audible mumble.

Read the story here… And the other one here…

*p.s. Yes, The Smiths are awesome. Please don't organize, mascara running down in tear-streaked rivulets, outside of the Ripe offices.

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We were hesitant to write about this for fear of being labeled “geeky”, but whatever, we hear that girls are into geeks nowadays (Editor’s note: This is a total lie.). We can’t say why we find this as cool as we do—it might have something to do with our love of trivia that makes our friends think we’re smarter than we actually are.

Anywho, researchers at the Lawrence Berkley National Laboratory in California have discovered a recording of the human voice that predates Thomas Edison’s “Mary had a little lamb” phonograph by nearly 20 years. “This is a historic find,” said Samuel Brylawski, formerly the head of the record-sound division of the Library of Congress. “The earliest known recording of sound.”

[Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville]’s device had a barrel-shaped horn attached to a stylus, which etched sound waves onto sheets of paper blackened by smoke from an oil lamp. The recordings were not intended for listening; the idea of audio playback had not been conceived. Rather, Scott sought to create a paper record of human speech that could later be deciphered.

It only took 150 years, but his recordings were finally deciphered. While it may be too little too late for Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville—he died convinced Edison had stolen his mojo—elementary school science books nationwide will now be forced to update their chapters on the creation of recorded sound.

Via Gizmodo

Brickarms is a LEGO customization company run by Will Chapman that specializes in weaponry. When his 9-year old came of age (as indicated by liking guns) he started asking dad where he could get historically accurate weapons for his WW2 LEGO scenarios. *sniff. Fingers crossed that our son will make us that proud.

After that Will (who appears to be some kind of engineer) started designing and molding his own firearms to meet with the stringent expectations of his target audience – his son.

It’s come a pretty long way to the point where there are now 21 contemporary firearms available. It’s gotten popular enough, even, that Will got his dentist friend to cast some Bondian Gold PPKs at his office.

The Disintigrator is a wood-bodied rubber band Gatling gun…(goosebumps). It’s completely motorized and automatic. The slowest thing about it is the loading of the 288 rubber bands. The fastest thing is, like your mom said, “putting somebody’s eye out.”

Nerditudes like these have never been so awesome. Somebody had a lot of time and a lot of brains and a lot of extra kick-ass in order to forge so mighty a gear of household/office warfare. We bow and offer our allegiance to your couch cushion fortress!