Ripe TV

This might be old news to some, but I wanted to get the word out. Oh Trent Reznor, how we love thee!

Click here for a link to a free download of NIN's new album, The Slip

Calling Interscope Records "thieves", Trent split with them in 2007 because he wanted to distribute music over the internet free or at low cost -- he suggested $4 through paypal. Trent is a smartie pants, because he knows that artists make more money off concerts and touring, than the album itself. He first put out an album of video game concept music. But The Slip's an actual NIN record.

When you click the link, punch in your email and you'll get sent a link with a download code. Check your junk folder: that's where my email ended up. The mp3s will download zipped, but I tested it out and imported the tracks into itunes just peachy. They have FLACS as well for those of you who have memory to spare and want the best possible quality. This is legit. They might be building a mailing list, but I don't mind that if they're offering a service like this.

So once you've downloaded, check the touring schedule NIN has on its Myspace page and support a musical act that doesn't have its head up its ass.

Enjoy!

Love,

Red

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William Singalargh, 27, faces up to five years in prison for assault with a deadly weapon. More specifically, he threw a deadly weapon some 16 or so feet at a 15 year-old boy. Even MORE specifically, the deadly weapon was a hedgehog. And the deadly weapon, though not deadly to the target, proved deadly to the weapon itself. The hedgehog was pronounced dead on the scene.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik was called in for questioning by NL Federal Police but later released.

Full Story Here…

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In a boarding house in Prince George’s County in the Washington, D.C. area, a young Master Stamp, a 12-year-old boy (not pictured) who lives with his mother, Cheryl, does what many boys his age do on a daily basis – burn through their homework as quickly as possible before, as many US Senators have described, “corrupting their young minds with violent imagery spoon-fed by the video game industry.”

But the artfully sound-designed cacophony of his virtual pursuit was disturbed by a ruckus in the other room. Pausing the game, he went to investigate and found a 64 year-old dude named Salomon Noubissie choking the isht out of his mom.

Springing into action, the plucky Stamp mentally pressed Y to “pick up item” – a carving knife – simultaneously pushed down LT & RT to activate targeting and then popped the X button, slashing the carotid artery of his mothers’ attacker.

Parents, get your kids an XBOX, Wii or PS3 post-haste. It’s cheaper than a guard dog and it’ll get them thinking vocationally.

Kids, thank us later.

Full Story Here…

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There’s Anti-Emo riots raging through Mexico. Reports of an 800-strong posse when on a search-and-destroy mission on, well, the Emo-core crew, Iwe're guessing. So now the persecuted are holding rallys and what-not. In related news, a goth-y couple got beaten, one to death, in the UK, by a small pack of thug-life uncool Britains.

All 'cause of being pierced, eye-linered and given to don some retro clothing and—shudder—bangs.

Wait, it’s cause of “anti-gay” sentiments? Who hates gays anymore? That's like being viciously anti-Whig. Well, if The Smiths* are still the biggest band in the world to some people, folks can cling to anything…

Thank God these people don’t live in LA where it’s nigh on impossible to separate the Goths from the waiters who work night shifts, the emo from the more-sullen-of-the-80s-revivalists, the Morrisey Mexicans from the Stray Cats-lovers from Sao Paulo, the homeless from the between-films serious actors. Who do you hit? Who DON’T you?

Who has the energy to muster up more vehemence against these folks other than an eye-roll's worth? And if so, are they sponsored by Monster Java or Sobe No Fear yet?



What’s worst of all is now these kids have to stick up for themselves. When what they’re supposed to be doing is scrawling poems on walls with their mom's lipstick or singing songs about heartbreak in a barely-audible mumble.

Read the story here… And the other one here…

*p.s. Yes, The Smiths are awesome. Please don't organize, mascara running down in tear-streaked rivulets, outside of the Ripe offices.

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A New Zealand man was recently sentenced to 75 hours community service. Seems he’d rung up the local PD and reported his own rape – in-progress – by a… oh boy… yes, a wombat - the rather slothful Australian marsupial that mostly has earned a distinction by being an Animal Encyclopedia neighbor to the way-cooler Wolverine.

Arthur Cradock, the sexually assaulted individual, called back after, one assumes, the act was complete and said that, other than now “speaking Australian,” he was okay and would like to withdraw his complaint. Police, unamused and disbelieving, filed charges of their own.

We would like to conjecture the following truths to be gleaned from the incident:

ONE: This once again proves the rule that sometimes “No” really does mean “Yes” but only when a wombat is involved.

TWO: This could explain Australian actors deft touch with assuming other accents (if Wombat rape makes non-Aussies speak Aussie…) Representatives for Multiple-Oscar winner Cate Blanchett, Oscar-Winner Geoffrey Rush and Oscar-Winner Russell Crowe all resulted in hang-ups or being told to “Feck off!” Calls to Abbie Cornish went unanswered but she said she’d block our number and… I guess she wasn’t being funny as we previously assumed.

THREE: Wombats are, by nature, gentle and receptive lovers.

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Hey criminals/celebrities/arrestees! Sick and tired of elaborate draping, hand-cramping cover-ups and generally having lots of trouble making sure your face isn’t seen in embarrassing scenarios? We’ve got the solution!

Genitalia!

That’s right! Just print and save a high quality image of male, female or middlesex genitalia near your door or slip it in your purse so when the walk of shame begins and the flashbulbs are flashing and cameras rolling, you can drape your visage in must-be-blurred glory (well, in the U.S. , anyway)!

Thanks, FCC prudes!

Click here for a sample image!

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A granny…maybe a rockin’ granny…maybe a regular-ass old lady who does not like to rock… was babysitting five children. One of these kids had had enough of her ol’ timey ways and put a couple of aerosol cans in the oven. Turned the oven on. Ka-fricking-boom and the flames of hell were licking granny's legs prolly a little earlier than she was expecting.

Where?

Oh, come on…you know.

Florida, baby.

All hail the FLA.

Christina Applegate could not be reached for comment. (Read the full story.)

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Donald Trump was throwing a Super Bowl party, and like any self-respecting bazillionaire, he had naked 17-year old girls schilling his personal brand of vodka there. TMZ reports:

His reps tell TMZ -- with a straight face -- that Chanell Elaine Hallett crashed the party, and just happened to have her whole body painted with Trump Vodka logos. BTW, the so-called party crasher was allowed to serve up the vodka. Trump's rep says, "Given the circumstances, we can only guess that she crashed the event to seek publicity for herself."

You know what the most surprising part of this story is? There’re way more attractive girls willing to be naked (not even painted) who aren’t illegal to look at. Probably even some (any woman on Earth) within his spending range. That's poor management, but at least it's good irony.

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The Vatican has updated their top 7 lists recently. In addition to the 7 cardinal sins (popularly known was “deadly”) they’ve issued an additional 7 social sins to keep up with the changing ability of society to sin in inventive, new ways. Says l'Osservatore Romano, the voice of the Vatican:

`You offend God not only by stealing, taking the Lord's name in vain or coveting your neighbor's wife, but also by wrecking the environment, carrying out morally debatable experiments that manipulate DNA or harm embryos,''

The new social sins, for your information, are as follows:
1. ``Bioethical' violations such as birth control
2. ``Morally dubious'' experiments such as stem cell research
3. Drug abuse
4. Polluting the environment
5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor
6. Excessive wealth
7. Creating poverty

FarkTV takes the stories that we all love and makes them into beautiful cine-films! Enjoy.

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In Birmingham, a man is on trial for poking UK resident Sophie Sladden too much. But not with his wiener.

Michael Hurst, 33, of Edgbaston, has pleaded not guilty to harassing ex-girlfriend Sophie Sladden. Appearing before magistrates, he was granted conditional bail to stand trial later in March, The Birmingham Mail reports.
He is accused of a breach of the Harassment Act 1997 when he used Facebook to contact Sladden on 21 January.

Does this mean we can prosecute for getting “Which Sex and the City character are you” applications sent to us? Or should we just resort to the old standard of sending tubgirl links in reply? We’re no lawyers…please advise.

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You get sued by a continent. Microsoft got sued by Europe for breaking the regulations set down in 2004 that basically told them to stop bullying around the little guys.

European antitrust regulators on Wednesday fined Microsoft $1.3 billion for failing to comply with a 2004 judgment that the company had abused its market dominance. The new fine by the European Commission was the largest it has ever imposed on an individual company, and brings the total in fines imposed on Microsoft to about $2.5 billion, in current exchange rates.

The article continues to say that the fine was only 60% of what they could’ve lawfully imposed. We don’t know a lot about high finance or international law, but something tells us that Microsoft is gonna be okay.

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The way a lot of high-end jewelers get their names out and about is by lending their pieces to celebrities for award shows and other such high-toned events. To that end the Italian jewelry house Damiani lent out all sorts of jewelry to people at the Oscars.

Then, some geniuses (and for the purposes of this blog: foxy, costume’d geniuses) decided to pull a real life Italian job by burrowing into the famed jewelry house through a neighboring construction site, tying up the employees, and making off with $20 million in gems and jewelry.

Frickin’ awesome. Pat yourself on the back too much, Hollywood, and you’ll end up with broken arms. At least in a figurative, financial sense. The Post has some more pics of the scene of the crime here.

Name of Link

Be nice, boys. In Yonkers, NY, a man called a woman, "ugly" with ugly consequences.

Yonkers Police Lt. Sean Mullins said Fuller, who's 23, argued on Tuesday with a guest of her roommate, and it turned violent after the "ugly" remark. She allegedly used a kitchen knife to stab him in the shoulder.
Police were called and found the man bleeding on the street.

Sticks and stones may break your bones. And that is a distinct possibility, it turns out, when you use hurtful words.

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Three men perpetraited a totally sweet heist in Switzerland (thought the Swiss Guard were supposed to be good at, ya know, guarding…). They stole 163 million dollars worth of art with, apparently, a single pistol and a white car.

One of the men threatened personnel at the museum's front door with a pistol and forced them to the ground, police said, while the other two men went into an exhibition room and stole four oil paintings by Paul Cezanne, Edgar Degas, Claude Monet and Vincent van Gogh.
Afterward, the three men loaded the paintings -- Monet's "Poppies near Vetheuil," Degas' "Count Lepic and his Daughters," Van Gogh's "Blossoming Chestnut Branches" and Cezanne's "Boy in a Red Vest" -- into a white car parked in front of the museum and then drove off, police said.

It’s really that easy?! We’re going to Rite Aid after this to buy hosiery and the really big permanent markers to use as fake guns. Then, a motley crew of Ripe employees are gonna go down to the local bank where a man with a curly moustache and a monocle will shudder in horror causing the buttons on his herringbone vest to shoot off across the room as we make off with bags of loot stamped with huge, green dollar signs.