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In a boarding house in Prince George’s County in the Washington, D.C. area, a young Master Stamp, a 12-year-old boy (not pictured) who lives with his mother, Cheryl, does what many boys his age do on a daily basis – burn through their homework as quickly as possible before, as many US Senators have described, “corrupting their young minds with violent imagery spoon-fed by the video game industry.”

But the artfully sound-designed cacophony of his virtual pursuit was disturbed by a ruckus in the other room. Pausing the game, he went to investigate and found a 64 year-old dude named Salomon Noubissie choking the isht out of his mom.

Springing into action, the plucky Stamp mentally pressed Y to “pick up item” – a carving knife – simultaneously pushed down LT & RT to activate targeting and then popped the X button, slashing the carotid artery of his mothers’ attacker.

Parents, get your kids an XBOX, Wii or PS3 post-haste. It’s cheaper than a guard dog and it’ll get them thinking vocationally.

Kids, thank us later.

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