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…as long as said man was born a woman and has all those tubes and isht inside. Oh, yeah, and a vagina.

Thomas Beattie, Oregon resident, is five months pregnant via artificial insemination, making him the first “man” to bear children in human history. He’s quite excited and said he hasn’t yet had any strange cravings, unless you count “goats milk and goldschlager” or “chick drinks, which is really embarrassing, considering.”

He also says he will be the child's father and that he, like a real man, will forgo the epidural in favor of the “stick between the teeth” pain-relief method.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, former actor, current Governor of California and, most pertinently, star of Junior, said he was “very excited my movies have inspired people other than terrorists, robot fetishists and non-identical twins.”

As for the donor of the sperm in question, Skip Hall could not be reached for comment.