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Hopefully this post will cover all our Britney bases so that we don’t have to revisit her for at least 12 hours (estimated time until her next nonsensical outburst/apocalyptic meltdown).

People is reporting that the blood tests from when Britney was hospitalized were completely negative – that she was not under the influence of anything but the chaotic machinations of her pinwheel-shaped mind.

Britney Spears tested free of illegal drugs and alcohol during her two-night stay at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, a reliable source tells PEOPLE.
"She tested clean," the source says. "This lady is as clean as clean can be, and has been for some time."

NY Post is reporting that Britney was full of enough substances to tranquilize this before her mental breakdown.

Blitzed-out Britney Spears downed a potentially lethal cocktail of 100 prescription pills - and washed it down with a "Purple Monster" mix of vodka, NyQuil and Red Bull - before her mental meltdown, sources said.

The final, slutty icing on the cake is that there may be even more scandalous photos of Britney emerging from her “only friend in the world,” the paparazzo named Adnan Ghalib.

But reports are coming out of America that Ghalib, whose Brummie father used to run a clothing business, has been trying to broker a million-dollar deal for exclusive photos of Britney in her secret hideaway.

What'll the pics look like? This seems about right: